Since we have arrived at our surprising destination and are finished with the traveling part of this project, this will be my last entry in this blog. I have enjoyed writing it and hearing from people that I don't even know who have commented and provided advice as we have made this journey. Now we put together what we have learned in various ways.
Keeping this blog has helped me think through some things and I have found the process to be quite productive in that I sometimes was able to discover what I thought about something in the process of writing a blog entry. And I find my own journey continuing here in this most unlikely place. So I will continue to blog about my thoughts and observations at
www.shariburke.blogspot.com
Because I have been interested for quite some time now about the role faith plays in individual lives, culture, and society, and this trip has only intensified that, I am also starting a new blog devoted to that topic at
www.faithculturesociety.blogspot.com
This trip has made me even more aware of how large a role faith plays in the world and how inadequately this is recognized and addressed. That's not to say it is ignored. There's much attention paid to various aspects of faith, but much of this is superficial and beside the point. Thus, it's not very useful. I humbly hope to provide some fresh insight and new ways of considering faith in our culture and lives.
For those of you who followed along on our trek across the northern US, thanks for being there with us. It quickly became apparent that it was not going to be what we thought it would be when we started out and I was glad I decided to expect nothing but the unexpected. Rolling with things the way they were and not trying to make it all into something else was a valuable strategy and I am glad I planned for that going in. Otherwise I could have found myself miserable and frustrated. As it is, I learned so much and found myself in a large way in the process. So it's all turned out well. I hope to hear from you via email or through one of my other blogs. Take care and be sure to listen wherever you happen to find yourself—whether it's to someone else or to yourself. Especially to yourself.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Niagara Falls
October 14, 2009
I still have a hard time believing that I live in Niagara Falls. This is a place that was never even on my radar screen before. If I thought about Niagara Falls at all, it was in some Hollywood movie kind of way, I guess or because I'd heard a story about someone heading over the Falls in a barrel or something. But it never occurred to me that there was an actual town attached to the Falls. At least until we realized that Burlington was not a good place to stop and stay a while and Bill said, “What about Buffalo?” Never gave much thought to Buffalo, either, to be honest. But here I am. As usual, when people ask how I ended up here, I will have a weird story to tell them. “Well, we were wrapping up a trip across the northern United States to observe the ways in which communities of faith were responding to the economic situation. We planned to stop and live for a while in Burlington, Vermont, but it turned out to be too expensive and homogeneous for our taste. We could not find an apartment and after 3 weeks, decided to move on. Bill suggested we check out Buffalo. We looked online and it seemed like an interesting place, so I began looking for a place to stay until we could find an apartment. Turned out there were more options in Niagara Falls, so we ended up at a Travelodge there. And the first night we were there, Bill looked on Craigslist and found a possibility.
He contacted the guy; we came to look at the apartment the next day; and we all agreed that we would rent it. So I'm in Niagara Falls.” Haven't seen Buffalo yet.
So, Niagara Falls. Even when I learned that it existed, I was unable to form a picture in my mind. I guess I thought it would be a touristy kind of area. That since there was a city/town (there is local disagreement about which it is), it must be full of suburban landscapes, manicured lawns, and spindly little trees. Good thing I didn't bother going very far along that road. It is nothing like I could have imagined a tourist area to be. This is clearly an area with problems. The results of a study were made public the first week we were here—Buffalo is the third poorest city in the country. Up here 12 miles or so north of Buffalo, you can tell. The whole town seems rather shabby. Some places seem worse than that.
We took a walk to the Falls themselves as a part of a church meeting and we walked by boarded up buildings and a dying city (or perhaps town). Even the motels that are within walking distance to Niagara Falls seemed kind of drab. Maybe it was because we are past tourist season. Maybe it was because it was a grey and blustery day and it seemed like it could pour on us at any minute. But I was continually struck by the drabness. I kept wondering what people think when they get here. This is supposed to be a honeymoon destination—at one time at least, the biggest destination in the country, I've heard. What on earth do people think when they get here? When we were at the motel, it was located on a strip with motels, restaurants, stores, etc. Many of these places advertised the fact that they had jacuzzis. Some of them had hearts beside the word. Whether that means it was a heart-shaped jacuzzi, I do not know. But I do know this: a heart-shaped jacuzzi would have done absolutely nothing to make me one iota happier about ending up in such a place for my honeymoon or even overnight. Some of these places looked pretty alarming. “Ok,” I thought to myself, “these are the low-rent motels farther away from the Falls themselves. The ones closer are probably much nicer.” Not so. They were better, I guess, at least from the outside.
But there seems to be an abundance of concrete block buildings that is highly unattractive and dull. It reminds me of the little bit of Medford, Oregon I've seen. Not at all pleasant to look at. Again, I thought about what I would expect in a place like this and it includes landscaping of some kind, some color from flowers—it's not winter yet—and some kind of interesting details. Something beyond blocky concrete buildings. Now, I try to remember that I have seen only a very small area and perhaps there is more elsewhere. I do not know. Surely there must be.
There was an ice park. That was strange. There it sits in one of the tourist parts of the city. It's just there—a big slope of ice with lanes for snowboarders. There is an ice rink and supposedly a place where people can make snow angels. That consisted of a pile of dirty, slushy snow such as you would see on the side of the road in February. And where did the water come from to make all of this ice? There was a big hose connected to the fire hydrant running under the chain-link fence. I have been told that the Canadian side is nicer. Apparently, they keep all the money that is generated at their park in the park. Here the money that comes from the state park goes to Albany to be spread around the state. As for the Falls themselves, I only got to see them for a few minutes from one particular vantage point, so I can't say much about that. I look forward to spending some more time there.
Having said all of that, once you move about a mile or so away from the Falls (we live about 1 ½ miles away), things are far more interesting. This is definitely a working class town. I have not seen anything resembling suburbia or manicured lawns. And I do not necessarily find this to be a bad thing—I should be clear about that. I am no fan of suburbia. Most of the houses in the neighborhood where we live and beyond are not showplaces, but are reasonably well-kept. Some have Buffalo Bills lawn decorations (alas, they are doomed to disappointment this year as the Bills are stinking up the league—a big topic in the media is whether the coach should get fired). Halloween and autumn decorations are in front of several houses that we regularly pass by on our way to someplace else. Some are quite elaborate. Many are made of brick, including the one we live in. Many have peeling paint on the porch columns, but are neat and tidy and may or may not have bushes, shrubs, and flowers outside. The sidewalks are a different matter—I always was careful of the ice in Klamath Falls that built up because people wouldn't shovel their few feet of sidewalk. Here the danger is cracked cement, dips and holes in the sidewalks, and pieces sticking up and ready to trip you. So walking requires a good bit of attention!
Little Italy is a few blocks away and that seems like a main drag in a working class town, which is exactly what it is. We were told that those who deal with tourism issues see that as a separate tourist destination. I am not sure I think that is viable. But it is a good neighborhood destination, I think. Again, though, these are all first impressions based on only what I can see as I move through my life here. So who knows.
It's a strange thing. There are blocks of houses in town that are all abandoned, with boarded and broken windows. Then you turn the corner and you are on a block with rows of well-maintained homes. To be sure, there are places I probably would not want to walk around in whether it was daylight or dark. At one time, coming out of my childhood suburban world, I would have been exceedingly stressed about even being near such a place as this, never mind living here. But I find myself liking it here. I don't get it. I like it much better than Burlington, which I loved when I got there but increasingly disliked as we stayed. It began to seem like a Stepford town. We were right to leave there. As I said, I didn't have a clue what to expect when I rode into town. It never would have been this. But I find myself fascinated by what is going on here. I feel that I am where I need to be for right now. I like it. Go figure.
It probably helps that I like this apartment. And I can sit outside on the porch or inside on my couch and watch my tree turn yellow. It's a good view, since we're at leaf-level up here. The squirrels sometimes pop up on the porch railing to say hi and the birds like to show up and see what's going on.
And we've already met some wonderful people. There's a Unitarian Universalist church that is a ½ hour walk from our apartment. The people are great and it's a good fit for me because they are inclusive and honor many religious/spiritual paths. There are banners on the wall with symbols from most of the major world religions, including the easterm ones. Too often people talk about world religions and they mean the 3 monotheistic ones. But there's more to world religions than Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. So those each have a banner, as do Hinduism, Confucianism, Buddhism, and there is one symbol that I am not familiar with, but I made a guess that it could be Sikh, since there is a Sikh temple in Little Italy. Anyway, they make no bones about being a liberal church and I like that, too. We went to a cluster meeting last week, a book discussion last night, and are going to another gathering in a couple of days. The people themselves have been very friendly and welcoming. I like them, too.
So there you have it. I find myself incredibly interested to see how it is all going to unfold. I can't even imagine it. But it is good to wake up each day and feel a sense of curiosity about what is going on and to be able to walk through my days with a sense of fascination about all the things I see around me. I feel alive. I feel interested. I feel at peace.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
We're Here!
We are in Niagara Falls, of all places. It was easier and cheaper to stay here than in Buffalo, 15 miles away. The people who run the motel even upgraded our room to one with a fridge and a microwave at no extra charge. We rented the place for a week. We got here at about 7:15 last evening after driving almost 500 miles from Burlington. Before noon today we had an apartment! Much different than VT! Bill saw the listing after we arrived last night, emailed the guy, who promptly emailed back and said to call in the morning to get directions. We did and went over. he lives in Ohio and was leaving this afternoon. He seemed like a nice guy. So this apartment is upstairs in a house--looks like a neighborhood of houses like that. The neighborhood seemed pretty quiet for a Saturday morning. There's a lady who lives downstairs. the rent is $450 and the landlord pays for heat. We are within walking distance of the supermarket, the library, downtown, Little Italy, the cultural arts center, Niagara Falls, and Canada. There's a bus line right outside. It's got two bedrooms and is set up pretty nicely to provide some privacy--one bedroom is off the kitchen and one is off the living room. The bathroom is in the middle. And there's a big porch that runs across the front of the house. I am going to crochet some lace panels to hang on the sides for some privacy because I think there is still time to sit out there wrapped in a shawl drinking tea! We just got an email from the guy saying that it'll be ready for us when we check out of the motel. So that is that! I am happy. We had agreed that we wouldn't make a decision right there, but both of us really liked it when we saw it. Life is funny, isn't it? After 3 weeks of cooling our heels in Burlington, we come here and in less than a day find exactly what we wanted! I know absolutely nothing about this part of the world, so it should be an interesting time here!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
garbage!
September 23, 2009
Well, our time in Burlington is drawing to a close. It has been quite an eye-opener. The situation here is serious and pretty alarming. People either have the money to rent crappy apartments at high prices or to buy a house. Many others live in motels and in places like we are staying. It struck me as kind of odd when we first got here that so many motels advertised that they offered extended stay options. Now it makes perfect sense. There's a whole bunch of people that have to live that way because they can't afford an apartment. The place where we are is actually like a neighborhood. People stop and chat with their neighbors who are sitting outside of their cottages, many of the RVs have skirting set up around the bottom, and clearly people have been here for a while and are planning to be here for a while longer. If circumstances were somewhat different for us, I would probably consider staying right where I am, because it's actually pretty nice. But the place we are in won't work for 3 of us in the long term, getting a two-room cottage is more expensive, and the rates for all the cottages don't drop until after foliage season—so that means November. From November through March, Bill and I alone could live here for $900 per month. That includes everything—furniture, heat, water, electricity. For around here, that's a real bargain. But it's not November and it's not just Bill and me, so we will move on Friday morning. We have decided to go to Buffalo. We had been thinking about Bismarck or Minneapolis/St Paul. The latter was my second choice before we left Klamath Falls, and I didn't see anything to really dislike when we were there. The hesitation I had was about the fact that it was a large urban area. I liked Bismarck. But we were limiting ourselves to places we had stopped on the way here. As we looked into both places, we saw some things that concerned us. Minneapolis had high rents like here. Bismarck had much lower rent, but not a lot available and not much new being added. So one day Bill said, “What about Madison, Wisconsin?” That seemed reasonable to me, so we looked into it. It's like the complete opposite of here! Apartments everywhere, new ones added all the time, and sales like free rent and low security deposits. This seemed quite hopeful. So we went through a few days planning on that. Bill emailed with some questions to one woman and she has emailed back a couple of times and is prepared to make an appointment to show us the apartment. Quite a shift from what we're experienced here! But then Bill said, “What about Buffalo?” I really don't care. So we looked into that. There are lots of affordable apartments and new ones being added every day. Not quite as many sales. But it is 700 miles closer than Madison, it is on Lake Erie, and close to Canada. So we will swing by there and see what we can do. We won't be staying as long as we've stayed here and we keep Madison as a possibility if Buffalo doesn't work out. I am interested to see what happens. As for Burlington, I find it disturbing that there is such a clear class divide here and it does not seem that there is any activism or even much discussion of this serious community problem.
In truth, it makes me far less enthusiastic about the community.
Last night we went down the street to the Pierson Library in Shelburne to see the documentary “Garbage! The Revolution Begins at Home.” It was a good film and the filmmaker had good intentions. As is often the case with these kinds of things, I felt that it didn't go far enough. It was kind of superficial to me, but then I have been aware of the issues addressed for some time and tried to make changes in my life because of what I learned. But I suppose that as an introduction to the whole subject, it was fine. The filmmaker got some friends of his to collect their garbage for 3 months so they could see how much they accumulated. They live in Toronto. In that community, they put wet garbage in separate containers to be picked up and sent to the composting plant. So rather than keep all of that, they weighed it and put it out for collection. They also separated their recyclables. In the end they had 320 pounds of wet garbage, and 83 bags of garbage and recyclables. They had 3 small children. Throughout the film, I had the feeling that this was not changing their lives at all. There were a few exclamations of surprise at how much trash they generated, but no real comments about changing behavior. Their house had 5 bathrooms. There was no discussion of using less water. The filmmaker was the only one who seemed serious about making changes. He got rid of his beloved jeep because of the poor gas mileage and other issues. He had it recycled. There was no discussion about buying less and using less, which is really what is going to have to happen if we are going to get anywhere. Recycling cardboard isn't going to cut it. We should all do it, but it's not enough.
There were a couple of things I did not know. One is that Toronto trucks its garbage to Michigan to be processed. One of the more powerful parts of the film was when they spoke to people who live near the ring of landfills about what they have to deal with. There are large truck speeding down their suburban residential streets—one woman can't even ride her bike like she used to because it's no longer safe. They talked about the stench they live with. One couple said that they had visitors from out of town one summer and they left because it was so bad. And there's the dust from the incineration of the trash—it floats down into people's homes and lungs and contains all kinds of carcinogens, including asbestos. And of course, they couldn't sell their houses even before this economic mess—and it seems fair to assume that what material wealth they had was probably tied up in their houses. The other part of the movie that was very moving and disturbing was the part where they spoke to people in West Virginia about the coal mining and processing plants that are ripping the tops off of mountains and threatening the health of children in school, as well as entire communities. They build these things right near schools, so if the containment ponds fail—as they did last winter—the school will be flooded with the poisonous sludge. Children have to leave school because they are sick and have terrible headaches when they are blasting and processing the coal, sending dust everywhere. One guy said, “There have to be some things that are more important than money.” as he walked around showing the filmmaker the giant cracks in the ground that have appeared because of the blasting—one was over 600 feet deep and 10,000 feet long. Not to mention the fact that they are ripping the tops off the mountains as far as the eye can see. The coal companies want him to sell his land and he refuses. He pointed out the bullet holes all over the place. People want him to give in because of all those well-paying jobs the coal company keeps promising to provide. It was another reminder that it is those who are better off and live in the suburbs with 5 bathrooms that are using the resources and the working class people who live in far more modest circumstances that get to be sickened and have shorter life expectancies so that all that trash has a place to go and there's enough coal to light those 5 bathrooms. I am not sure how someone could listen to stories like that and not want to do something. I can't solve the problem by myself. But I can be aware of what is going on and try to use resources more wisely in an effort to do my part. I want to know I did what I could as I watch the situation deteriorate a little more every day.
One other interesting factoid from the movie—dead human bodies are taking longer to decompose. They speculate this is due to all of the preservatives in processed food and cosmetics. Soon our bodies will have to be disposed of as hazardous waste!
Well, our time in Burlington is drawing to a close. It has been quite an eye-opener. The situation here is serious and pretty alarming. People either have the money to rent crappy apartments at high prices or to buy a house. Many others live in motels and in places like we are staying. It struck me as kind of odd when we first got here that so many motels advertised that they offered extended stay options. Now it makes perfect sense. There's a whole bunch of people that have to live that way because they can't afford an apartment. The place where we are is actually like a neighborhood. People stop and chat with their neighbors who are sitting outside of their cottages, many of the RVs have skirting set up around the bottom, and clearly people have been here for a while and are planning to be here for a while longer. If circumstances were somewhat different for us, I would probably consider staying right where I am, because it's actually pretty nice. But the place we are in won't work for 3 of us in the long term, getting a two-room cottage is more expensive, and the rates for all the cottages don't drop until after foliage season—so that means November. From November through March, Bill and I alone could live here for $900 per month. That includes everything—furniture, heat, water, electricity. For around here, that's a real bargain. But it's not November and it's not just Bill and me, so we will move on Friday morning. We have decided to go to Buffalo. We had been thinking about Bismarck or Minneapolis/St Paul. The latter was my second choice before we left Klamath Falls, and I didn't see anything to really dislike when we were there. The hesitation I had was about the fact that it was a large urban area. I liked Bismarck. But we were limiting ourselves to places we had stopped on the way here. As we looked into both places, we saw some things that concerned us. Minneapolis had high rents like here. Bismarck had much lower rent, but not a lot available and not much new being added. So one day Bill said, “What about Madison, Wisconsin?” That seemed reasonable to me, so we looked into it. It's like the complete opposite of here! Apartments everywhere, new ones added all the time, and sales like free rent and low security deposits. This seemed quite hopeful. So we went through a few days planning on that. Bill emailed with some questions to one woman and she has emailed back a couple of times and is prepared to make an appointment to show us the apartment. Quite a shift from what we're experienced here! But then Bill said, “What about Buffalo?” I really don't care. So we looked into that. There are lots of affordable apartments and new ones being added every day. Not quite as many sales. But it is 700 miles closer than Madison, it is on Lake Erie, and close to Canada. So we will swing by there and see what we can do. We won't be staying as long as we've stayed here and we keep Madison as a possibility if Buffalo doesn't work out. I am interested to see what happens. As for Burlington, I find it disturbing that there is such a clear class divide here and it does not seem that there is any activism or even much discussion of this serious community problem.
In truth, it makes me far less enthusiastic about the community.
Last night we went down the street to the Pierson Library in Shelburne to see the documentary “Garbage! The Revolution Begins at Home.” It was a good film and the filmmaker had good intentions. As is often the case with these kinds of things, I felt that it didn't go far enough. It was kind of superficial to me, but then I have been aware of the issues addressed for some time and tried to make changes in my life because of what I learned. But I suppose that as an introduction to the whole subject, it was fine. The filmmaker got some friends of his to collect their garbage for 3 months so they could see how much they accumulated. They live in Toronto. In that community, they put wet garbage in separate containers to be picked up and sent to the composting plant. So rather than keep all of that, they weighed it and put it out for collection. They also separated their recyclables. In the end they had 320 pounds of wet garbage, and 83 bags of garbage and recyclables. They had 3 small children. Throughout the film, I had the feeling that this was not changing their lives at all. There were a few exclamations of surprise at how much trash they generated, but no real comments about changing behavior. Their house had 5 bathrooms. There was no discussion of using less water. The filmmaker was the only one who seemed serious about making changes. He got rid of his beloved jeep because of the poor gas mileage and other issues. He had it recycled. There was no discussion about buying less and using less, which is really what is going to have to happen if we are going to get anywhere. Recycling cardboard isn't going to cut it. We should all do it, but it's not enough.
There were a couple of things I did not know. One is that Toronto trucks its garbage to Michigan to be processed. One of the more powerful parts of the film was when they spoke to people who live near the ring of landfills about what they have to deal with. There are large truck speeding down their suburban residential streets—one woman can't even ride her bike like she used to because it's no longer safe. They talked about the stench they live with. One couple said that they had visitors from out of town one summer and they left because it was so bad. And there's the dust from the incineration of the trash—it floats down into people's homes and lungs and contains all kinds of carcinogens, including asbestos. And of course, they couldn't sell their houses even before this economic mess—and it seems fair to assume that what material wealth they had was probably tied up in their houses. The other part of the movie that was very moving and disturbing was the part where they spoke to people in West Virginia about the coal mining and processing plants that are ripping the tops off of mountains and threatening the health of children in school, as well as entire communities. They build these things right near schools, so if the containment ponds fail—as they did last winter—the school will be flooded with the poisonous sludge. Children have to leave school because they are sick and have terrible headaches when they are blasting and processing the coal, sending dust everywhere. One guy said, “There have to be some things that are more important than money.” as he walked around showing the filmmaker the giant cracks in the ground that have appeared because of the blasting—one was over 600 feet deep and 10,000 feet long. Not to mention the fact that they are ripping the tops off the mountains as far as the eye can see. The coal companies want him to sell his land and he refuses. He pointed out the bullet holes all over the place. People want him to give in because of all those well-paying jobs the coal company keeps promising to provide. It was another reminder that it is those who are better off and live in the suburbs with 5 bathrooms that are using the resources and the working class people who live in far more modest circumstances that get to be sickened and have shorter life expectancies so that all that trash has a place to go and there's enough coal to light those 5 bathrooms. I am not sure how someone could listen to stories like that and not want to do something. I can't solve the problem by myself. But I can be aware of what is going on and try to use resources more wisely in an effort to do my part. I want to know I did what I could as I watch the situation deteriorate a little more every day.
One other interesting factoid from the movie—dead human bodies are taking longer to decompose. They speculate this is due to all of the preservatives in processed food and cosmetics. Soon our bodies will have to be disposed of as hazardous waste!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Great Day!
September 16, 2009
A beautiful day! Temperatures are in the low 60s, there's a breeze, the trees continue to get a little more colorful each day, and it was actually nippy this morning. It's going to be in the 40s and low 50s at night. This is supposed to continue for the next several days, with some rain added in on Friday. I may get out a shawl for tonight and tomorrow morning. I am always happy when I can wrap myself in a shawl!
We rented this cottage for another week. We had paid through this coming Friday (the 18th), but we are not having much luck in the hunt for a place to live. People are not calling or emailing back very much. A few are. But they either want only 1 person, or the place is being renovated or whatever. We went by one place the other day, but it was too far out—no bus line. And the place looked like a small motel or something. It was kind of depressing and I imagined doing winter there and could not. Plus it was an efficiency—400 square feet. That would work for Bill and I, but with 3 of us it just didn't seem reasonable. So we called the guy and said we didn't need to look at it. So we look some more. Rents are high and the market is tight. We may not make any progress by next week. But we're paid up here until the morning of the 25th, so we have a week and a half to see some movement. If we are still in the same situation by next week at this time, we will decide where to go next. We could either go back to St Paul or Bismarck and rent a place there, or we could go to New Mexico and camp for most of the winter if we need to. We will have to investigate the possibilities. Bill has done some looking and it looks like there is much available in all of these places. But we shall see. We would both like to be able to stay here, but we would need some shelter for the winter and if none is forthcoming, then we'll go elsewhere. If we do end up having to leave, we would make a decision about where to go and make haste in that direction. We would not take our time as we did to get here. I find myself really fascinated to see how it will all turn out. In ways that are completely unexpected, I am sure.
I was already in a great mood this morning as I took deep breaths of crisp fallish air, felt the breeze blowing, looked at the red, yellow, and green leaves, and walked back from the office after having extended our time here. We had some coffee and then went to get some more groceries. As if the day could not get any better, in the entryway of the grocery store was a shopping cart with books in it and a sign that said “FREE.” I grabbed a couple and Bill grabbed one. Free books. I can get into that!
A beautiful day! Temperatures are in the low 60s, there's a breeze, the trees continue to get a little more colorful each day, and it was actually nippy this morning. It's going to be in the 40s and low 50s at night. This is supposed to continue for the next several days, with some rain added in on Friday. I may get out a shawl for tonight and tomorrow morning. I am always happy when I can wrap myself in a shawl!
We rented this cottage for another week. We had paid through this coming Friday (the 18th), but we are not having much luck in the hunt for a place to live. People are not calling or emailing back very much. A few are. But they either want only 1 person, or the place is being renovated or whatever. We went by one place the other day, but it was too far out—no bus line. And the place looked like a small motel or something. It was kind of depressing and I imagined doing winter there and could not. Plus it was an efficiency—400 square feet. That would work for Bill and I, but with 3 of us it just didn't seem reasonable. So we called the guy and said we didn't need to look at it. So we look some more. Rents are high and the market is tight. We may not make any progress by next week. But we're paid up here until the morning of the 25th, so we have a week and a half to see some movement. If we are still in the same situation by next week at this time, we will decide where to go next. We could either go back to St Paul or Bismarck and rent a place there, or we could go to New Mexico and camp for most of the winter if we need to. We will have to investigate the possibilities. Bill has done some looking and it looks like there is much available in all of these places. But we shall see. We would both like to be able to stay here, but we would need some shelter for the winter and if none is forthcoming, then we'll go elsewhere. If we do end up having to leave, we would make a decision about where to go and make haste in that direction. We would not take our time as we did to get here. I find myself really fascinated to see how it will all turn out. In ways that are completely unexpected, I am sure.
I was already in a great mood this morning as I took deep breaths of crisp fallish air, felt the breeze blowing, looked at the red, yellow, and green leaves, and walked back from the office after having extended our time here. We had some coffee and then went to get some more groceries. As if the day could not get any better, in the entryway of the grocery store was a shopping cart with books in it and a sign that said “FREE.” I grabbed a couple and Bill grabbed one. Free books. I can get into that!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Gratitude
September 15, 2009
Fell asleep last night to the sound of pouring rain. It was really coming down hard. I don't even think it was in the forecast, but it arrived nonetheless. It was a pleasant sound and I am told that this area really needs the rain.
Woke up this morning filled with a sense of gratitude and even a kind of amazement at how this life is unfolding. I never could have planned for this and a couple of years ago when I was in overwhelming pain, I could never have imagined where I would be at this point in my life. But here I am. I am on this incredible journey—we have traveled over 5000 miles—and I have met so many people and seen places I never would have seen otherwise. I have been able to get a new appreciation for who I am and what my work is on the planet and for the wide range of landscape and beauty that exists across the northern part of this country. I have seen the differences and the commonalities between places and people. I have never been at a loss for things to observe, analyze, and think about. This is a trip that I will always remember, of course, but also one that will provide me with things to think about for the rest of my life. And for me, that's an important thing! I have also gained a deeper sense of possibility. We are living in a hugely dysfunctional society and seem to lack the will to change that. Oddly enough, though, the very fact that I have seen good people doing nothing gives me more hope than ever that we can save the planet. It may well not be the US that leads in this. I see no evidence that the will is here. But this country will collapse to a certain degree and that will give other people a chance to do things. And I believe that the only way enough people in the US will change is when there is no choice. Reality will dictate. Too bad, but really, the choices have been there and people have chosen poorly. Soon there won't be so much choice. And for the good of humanity as a whole, I think that this country will have to feel pain. The tragic thing is that it will take some time for the people who created the mess to feel this pain, and those who have never had much in the way of choice will suffer more. I have always wanted this to be otherwise. I used to think that surely, if only people realized how bad things were, they would choose differently. They would become more aware. They would think about other people or the long-term consequences of their actions. And going into this trip, I really thought that I would find some evidence that people are trying to make thoughtful and serious changes. I thought that churches would be taking this opportunity to remind people that there are things more important than a consumer lifestyle and that we're all in this together. Instead I found silence. Deafening silence. And I found people who live in complete ignorance of the fact that there's a world out there in which not everyone thinks the same way. I have lost hope and found it again. I have little hope left that this country will be able to change in ways that are sustainable and healthy. I have more hope than ever that other people in other places will heed the call. Being here makes me happy because I see—at least on the surface—a committed bunch of people living in healthy ways. There are not enough of them and it wouldn't work everywhere in exactly this way, but at least I have found some people who have an awareness and are willing to put that awareness into action and not just talk about it. This makes me glad. And now I know more surely than I ever did that I am not at home in this country. I never have been and I never will be. It may well be that I am doomed to perpetual disappointment. If that is to be the case, then so be it. I can live with that. That's another thing I have learned on this trip. I can be joyful in the midst of it all. But to do that I have to live my life in ways that are ethical and moral to me. I think I used to spend far to much time trying to find some little corner of the box to fit myself into. And now I am quite certain that the box that is US culture is far too small, far too confining, and doesn't have much to offer. I have to interact with the box, but I don't have to live in it. For me, there is no way in. So I guess the overarching discovery of this trip for me has been a sense of acceptance of what is. I don't mean acceptance in the sense that I thing everything's hunky-dory and now I'm going to settle down and be a good little United Statesian, but rather an acceptance of who I am and what this country is and how I need to maneuver through it all. I don't have to like things to accept them. I can accept that choices have been made and people are, by their lack of action and their ignorance, willing to go along with the way things are. I can accept the pain I feel that this is so. I can also accept that that way of life is totally unacceptable for me, so I choose otherwise. I can see the pain ahead and I can talk about things as I see them. In my experience people do not like this, even when it is the mildest of comments. I can accept this too. It is what it is. I am who I am. The universe is what it is. I just need to keep on educating myself and staying as awake and grounded as possible.
I have always been uncomfortable with thoughts like this because it sounds kind of condescending. But I was actually watching some show in some motel room and there were 4 different people talking about the health care debate. Jay Leno of all people said that people get what they deserve. They don't know what they're talking about, they don't care to educate themselves about the issue, and they just spout off these bumper sticker slogans that they hear on the news without knowing the first thing about what they're saying. The congresswoman next to him was pretty uncomfortable. But I think he was absolutely right. And he said it with an air of resignation about the whole thing. That's how I feel about it all. The only discomfort that remains for me is the knowledge that people without choices and without the same opportunities for education—either institutional education or self-education—will be the ones to bear the brunt of it all at first. By the time the powerful start feeling the pain, it'll be far too late.
And so midway through September I find myself at home in my own skin to a degree that I have never felt before. I am comfortable in my role as an outlier. I can embrace this and know that I could never be anything else. I am not sure I would know how to live in a place where I felt at home. I have always—from the time I was a small child—felt misplaced. That is what is normal for me. I live on the fringes and would be completely lost if I ever found myself smack in the center of anything. This used too bother me. And then I realized that this is where the growth happens—on the margins. Interaction, growth, expansion—it all starts at the edge and the edge is the world I inhabit. It's a good thing!
Fell asleep last night to the sound of pouring rain. It was really coming down hard. I don't even think it was in the forecast, but it arrived nonetheless. It was a pleasant sound and I am told that this area really needs the rain.
Woke up this morning filled with a sense of gratitude and even a kind of amazement at how this life is unfolding. I never could have planned for this and a couple of years ago when I was in overwhelming pain, I could never have imagined where I would be at this point in my life. But here I am. I am on this incredible journey—we have traveled over 5000 miles—and I have met so many people and seen places I never would have seen otherwise. I have been able to get a new appreciation for who I am and what my work is on the planet and for the wide range of landscape and beauty that exists across the northern part of this country. I have seen the differences and the commonalities between places and people. I have never been at a loss for things to observe, analyze, and think about. This is a trip that I will always remember, of course, but also one that will provide me with things to think about for the rest of my life. And for me, that's an important thing! I have also gained a deeper sense of possibility. We are living in a hugely dysfunctional society and seem to lack the will to change that. Oddly enough, though, the very fact that I have seen good people doing nothing gives me more hope than ever that we can save the planet. It may well not be the US that leads in this. I see no evidence that the will is here. But this country will collapse to a certain degree and that will give other people a chance to do things. And I believe that the only way enough people in the US will change is when there is no choice. Reality will dictate. Too bad, but really, the choices have been there and people have chosen poorly. Soon there won't be so much choice. And for the good of humanity as a whole, I think that this country will have to feel pain. The tragic thing is that it will take some time for the people who created the mess to feel this pain, and those who have never had much in the way of choice will suffer more. I have always wanted this to be otherwise. I used to think that surely, if only people realized how bad things were, they would choose differently. They would become more aware. They would think about other people or the long-term consequences of their actions. And going into this trip, I really thought that I would find some evidence that people are trying to make thoughtful and serious changes. I thought that churches would be taking this opportunity to remind people that there are things more important than a consumer lifestyle and that we're all in this together. Instead I found silence. Deafening silence. And I found people who live in complete ignorance of the fact that there's a world out there in which not everyone thinks the same way. I have lost hope and found it again. I have little hope left that this country will be able to change in ways that are sustainable and healthy. I have more hope than ever that other people in other places will heed the call. Being here makes me happy because I see—at least on the surface—a committed bunch of people living in healthy ways. There are not enough of them and it wouldn't work everywhere in exactly this way, but at least I have found some people who have an awareness and are willing to put that awareness into action and not just talk about it. This makes me glad. And now I know more surely than I ever did that I am not at home in this country. I never have been and I never will be. It may well be that I am doomed to perpetual disappointment. If that is to be the case, then so be it. I can live with that. That's another thing I have learned on this trip. I can be joyful in the midst of it all. But to do that I have to live my life in ways that are ethical and moral to me. I think I used to spend far to much time trying to find some little corner of the box to fit myself into. And now I am quite certain that the box that is US culture is far too small, far too confining, and doesn't have much to offer. I have to interact with the box, but I don't have to live in it. For me, there is no way in. So I guess the overarching discovery of this trip for me has been a sense of acceptance of what is. I don't mean acceptance in the sense that I thing everything's hunky-dory and now I'm going to settle down and be a good little United Statesian, but rather an acceptance of who I am and what this country is and how I need to maneuver through it all. I don't have to like things to accept them. I can accept that choices have been made and people are, by their lack of action and their ignorance, willing to go along with the way things are. I can accept the pain I feel that this is so. I can also accept that that way of life is totally unacceptable for me, so I choose otherwise. I can see the pain ahead and I can talk about things as I see them. In my experience people do not like this, even when it is the mildest of comments. I can accept this too. It is what it is. I am who I am. The universe is what it is. I just need to keep on educating myself and staying as awake and grounded as possible.
I have always been uncomfortable with thoughts like this because it sounds kind of condescending. But I was actually watching some show in some motel room and there were 4 different people talking about the health care debate. Jay Leno of all people said that people get what they deserve. They don't know what they're talking about, they don't care to educate themselves about the issue, and they just spout off these bumper sticker slogans that they hear on the news without knowing the first thing about what they're saying. The congresswoman next to him was pretty uncomfortable. But I think he was absolutely right. And he said it with an air of resignation about the whole thing. That's how I feel about it all. The only discomfort that remains for me is the knowledge that people without choices and without the same opportunities for education—either institutional education or self-education—will be the ones to bear the brunt of it all at first. By the time the powerful start feeling the pain, it'll be far too late.
And so midway through September I find myself at home in my own skin to a degree that I have never felt before. I am comfortable in my role as an outlier. I can embrace this and know that I could never be anything else. I am not sure I would know how to live in a place where I felt at home. I have always—from the time I was a small child—felt misplaced. That is what is normal for me. I live on the fringes and would be completely lost if I ever found myself smack in the center of anything. This used too bother me. And then I realized that this is where the growth happens—on the margins. Interaction, growth, expansion—it all starts at the edge and the edge is the world I inhabit. It's a good thing!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Alive!
September 14, 2009
Another week begins. I have not felt this good in a while! I am energized and not tired. I woke up this morning and knew right away that something was different. I realized that I felt alive. But it was beyond that. Even when I was exhausted and my mind was foggy, I was aware that I did not have the oppressive feeling of deadness that I had been carrying around for years. It was always there, even on a good day in Klamath Falls. Sometimes I would feel like it was just sheer force of will that kept it from swallowing me whole. At some point in these past few months, it went away. I sometimes think about the days I spent in that house just trying so hard to get through each day—it was hard work to schedule myself and surround myself with what I needed to get through a day. I marvel at the fact that I did it. And now it's gone. I am grateful. The exhaustion I have felt over the past couple of weeks had more to do with a disrupted sleep pattern than any feeling of dread at facing another day. So this morning, after going to bed at 1:15 and sleeping through the night, I woke up at a reasonable hour and felt fabulous. This is how I work best. I am definitely not a morning person. But since sleeping in the tent necessitates a whole different system, it eventually caught up with me. But I was able to get a lot done yesterday and get back to a daily round that works for me. I can see the results!
We had an appointment to look at a place this evening, but it was too far out of town, which made it impractical for winter since there's no bus line out that far. We did find out that the local transit system includes express buses that go to Montpelier, Middlebury, and St. Albans, all of which are between 30 and 40 miles from Burlington in opposite directions. This means that we can expand our search, since we would be able to use the bus to get into the city in the winter. Bill does not want to have to rely on the truck. So now we have some leads in those places, too.
It rained like crazy yesterday morning! This guy came to Meeting on his bicycle and when he came in for the book discussion and removed his backpack, I could see a little wet dog head. He carried his dachshund in the backpack and the poor little guy was soaked. Cute dog, though. He was a good Quaker dog and sat quietly through the discussion and then Meeting, running around to greet everyone at the end!
Today was really nice. It was so peaceful sitting outside and reading this afternoon. It's supposed to start cooling down into the 60s during the day and the 40s at night starting tomorrow. The leaves are starting to change faster now. I am not really sure when peak foliage season is supposed to be, but it's a big deal around here. Today we saw some chicken breakfast sausage with Vermont blueberries and maple syrup. They are purple. I had to get a package to try. Last week we had some of the fatter sausage that was chicken and apple with Vermont syrup. Those were really good! Pick-your-own is getting started now and I might do some of that if we find a place before the season ends. I was able to get a Vermont tomato and a bag of local apples in the grocery store. I missed the Farmer's Market Saturday because of my migraine. Maybe this coming Saturday we will be able to go. There is a huge local food movement around here, which I think is great! It looks like we will have to learn to eat fewer potatoes, since we are no longer in potato growing territory. Some come from Maine, I guess. But there are lots of other things that offset the lack of local potatoes! Next Monday, Paul Roberts, who wrote, The End of Food, which is a great book, is giving a free lecture at UVM. I wrote it down so we can remember to go. There is just so much going on here—it is a very vibrant community. The community seems alive, too. There are lots of people from somewhere else here. I hadn't really thought of that before we got here, because my experiences with New England have been the opposite, both when I lived in New Hampshire in the 70s and 80s and had people openly expressing their unhappiness that outsiders were moving in, and when we visited Maine a few years ago. New Hampshire may well be very different now than it was then. But this place most certainly is not insulated or isolated. I am sure that there must be tensions between the newcomers and the old-timers, and it will be interesting to see how that all plays out as we learn more about the dynamics of community here. I think that the fact that there are people from all over is a good thing, because new ideas are always welcome. Well, they are not exactly welcome everywhere. But they are welcome to me and they seem to be welcome here, so maybe that's a good sign!
Another week begins. I have not felt this good in a while! I am energized and not tired. I woke up this morning and knew right away that something was different. I realized that I felt alive. But it was beyond that. Even when I was exhausted and my mind was foggy, I was aware that I did not have the oppressive feeling of deadness that I had been carrying around for years. It was always there, even on a good day in Klamath Falls. Sometimes I would feel like it was just sheer force of will that kept it from swallowing me whole. At some point in these past few months, it went away. I sometimes think about the days I spent in that house just trying so hard to get through each day—it was hard work to schedule myself and surround myself with what I needed to get through a day. I marvel at the fact that I did it. And now it's gone. I am grateful. The exhaustion I have felt over the past couple of weeks had more to do with a disrupted sleep pattern than any feeling of dread at facing another day. So this morning, after going to bed at 1:15 and sleeping through the night, I woke up at a reasonable hour and felt fabulous. This is how I work best. I am definitely not a morning person. But since sleeping in the tent necessitates a whole different system, it eventually caught up with me. But I was able to get a lot done yesterday and get back to a daily round that works for me. I can see the results!
We had an appointment to look at a place this evening, but it was too far out of town, which made it impractical for winter since there's no bus line out that far. We did find out that the local transit system includes express buses that go to Montpelier, Middlebury, and St. Albans, all of which are between 30 and 40 miles from Burlington in opposite directions. This means that we can expand our search, since we would be able to use the bus to get into the city in the winter. Bill does not want to have to rely on the truck. So now we have some leads in those places, too.
It rained like crazy yesterday morning! This guy came to Meeting on his bicycle and when he came in for the book discussion and removed his backpack, I could see a little wet dog head. He carried his dachshund in the backpack and the poor little guy was soaked. Cute dog, though. He was a good Quaker dog and sat quietly through the discussion and then Meeting, running around to greet everyone at the end!
Today was really nice. It was so peaceful sitting outside and reading this afternoon. It's supposed to start cooling down into the 60s during the day and the 40s at night starting tomorrow. The leaves are starting to change faster now. I am not really sure when peak foliage season is supposed to be, but it's a big deal around here. Today we saw some chicken breakfast sausage with Vermont blueberries and maple syrup. They are purple. I had to get a package to try. Last week we had some of the fatter sausage that was chicken and apple with Vermont syrup. Those were really good! Pick-your-own is getting started now and I might do some of that if we find a place before the season ends. I was able to get a Vermont tomato and a bag of local apples in the grocery store. I missed the Farmer's Market Saturday because of my migraine. Maybe this coming Saturday we will be able to go. There is a huge local food movement around here, which I think is great! It looks like we will have to learn to eat fewer potatoes, since we are no longer in potato growing territory. Some come from Maine, I guess. But there are lots of other things that offset the lack of local potatoes! Next Monday, Paul Roberts, who wrote, The End of Food, which is a great book, is giving a free lecture at UVM. I wrote it down so we can remember to go. There is just so much going on here—it is a very vibrant community. The community seems alive, too. There are lots of people from somewhere else here. I hadn't really thought of that before we got here, because my experiences with New England have been the opposite, both when I lived in New Hampshire in the 70s and 80s and had people openly expressing their unhappiness that outsiders were moving in, and when we visited Maine a few years ago. New Hampshire may well be very different now than it was then. But this place most certainly is not insulated or isolated. I am sure that there must be tensions between the newcomers and the old-timers, and it will be interesting to see how that all plays out as we learn more about the dynamics of community here. I think that the fact that there are people from all over is a good thing, because new ideas are always welcome. Well, they are not exactly welcome everywhere. But they are welcome to me and they seem to be welcome here, so maybe that's a good sign!
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