September 14, 2009
Another week begins. I have not felt this good in a while! I am energized and not tired. I woke up this morning and knew right away that something was different. I realized that I felt alive. But it was beyond that. Even when I was exhausted and my mind was foggy, I was aware that I did not have the oppressive feeling of deadness that I had been carrying around for years. It was always there, even on a good day in Klamath Falls. Sometimes I would feel like it was just sheer force of will that kept it from swallowing me whole. At some point in these past few months, it went away. I sometimes think about the days I spent in that house just trying so hard to get through each day—it was hard work to schedule myself and surround myself with what I needed to get through a day. I marvel at the fact that I did it. And now it's gone. I am grateful. The exhaustion I have felt over the past couple of weeks had more to do with a disrupted sleep pattern than any feeling of dread at facing another day. So this morning, after going to bed at 1:15 and sleeping through the night, I woke up at a reasonable hour and felt fabulous. This is how I work best. I am definitely not a morning person. But since sleeping in the tent necessitates a whole different system, it eventually caught up with me. But I was able to get a lot done yesterday and get back to a daily round that works for me. I can see the results!
We had an appointment to look at a place this evening, but it was too far out of town, which made it impractical for winter since there's no bus line out that far. We did find out that the local transit system includes express buses that go to Montpelier, Middlebury, and St. Albans, all of which are between 30 and 40 miles from Burlington in opposite directions. This means that we can expand our search, since we would be able to use the bus to get into the city in the winter. Bill does not want to have to rely on the truck. So now we have some leads in those places, too.
It rained like crazy yesterday morning! This guy came to Meeting on his bicycle and when he came in for the book discussion and removed his backpack, I could see a little wet dog head. He carried his dachshund in the backpack and the poor little guy was soaked. Cute dog, though. He was a good Quaker dog and sat quietly through the discussion and then Meeting, running around to greet everyone at the end!
Today was really nice. It was so peaceful sitting outside and reading this afternoon. It's supposed to start cooling down into the 60s during the day and the 40s at night starting tomorrow. The leaves are starting to change faster now. I am not really sure when peak foliage season is supposed to be, but it's a big deal around here. Today we saw some chicken breakfast sausage with Vermont blueberries and maple syrup. They are purple. I had to get a package to try. Last week we had some of the fatter sausage that was chicken and apple with Vermont syrup. Those were really good! Pick-your-own is getting started now and I might do some of that if we find a place before the season ends. I was able to get a Vermont tomato and a bag of local apples in the grocery store. I missed the Farmer's Market Saturday because of my migraine. Maybe this coming Saturday we will be able to go. There is a huge local food movement around here, which I think is great! It looks like we will have to learn to eat fewer potatoes, since we are no longer in potato growing territory. Some come from Maine, I guess. But there are lots of other things that offset the lack of local potatoes! Next Monday, Paul Roberts, who wrote, The End of Food, which is a great book, is giving a free lecture at UVM. I wrote it down so we can remember to go. There is just so much going on here—it is a very vibrant community. The community seems alive, too. There are lots of people from somewhere else here. I hadn't really thought of that before we got here, because my experiences with New England have been the opposite, both when I lived in New Hampshire in the 70s and 80s and had people openly expressing their unhappiness that outsiders were moving in, and when we visited Maine a few years ago. New Hampshire may well be very different now than it was then. But this place most certainly is not insulated or isolated. I am sure that there must be tensions between the newcomers and the old-timers, and it will be interesting to see how that all plays out as we learn more about the dynamics of community here. I think that the fact that there are people from all over is a good thing, because new ideas are always welcome. Well, they are not exactly welcome everywhere. But they are welcome to me and they seem to be welcome here, so maybe that's a good sign!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Discomfort
September 13, 2009
Bill just finished watching the first game of a doubleheader. Last night's game was called in the 6th inning due to rain. But it was a complete game and the Sox won, so he's happy. They won the game that just finished, too. Looks like they will probably get the wild card spot in the American League. He has good memories of listening the the Red Sox as a kid. I listened to the White Sox, being in Illinois. We went to games sometimes at the old Comiskey Park when I was a kid and when we were first married, Bill and I used to go to Fenway Park and sit in the bleachers. It was fun. I used to really be into that stuff. Gradually I just stopped paying attention. The second game is at 5.
We went to Burlington Friends Meeting again this morning. There was a great first discussion about Quakers and racism. A book discussion is starting in a couple of weeks about the book, Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship by Donna McDaniel and Vanessa Julye. I think it will be a very interesting set of discussions, if this morning is any indication. People had very insightful and thoughtful things to say. I am looking forward to it.
I did experience some discomfort as we started to gather, though. There is a woman and her daughter that attend the meeting. They are fairly new in town as well and this woman had written a letter for inclusion in the newsletter, which I picked up last week, that asked for any possible leads in finding a place to live and she laid out what her needs were. Based on that, I assumed that she had chemical sensitivity. But she was also sitting in meeting last week and seemed to be fine. There was no mention of this problem. I am sure that regular attenders are aware of the issue, but most of the people last week were visiting so would not have known. Presumably, they had used soap, shampoo, and other personal grooming items. I say this because this morning, the woman and her daughter were sitting there wearing masks. Bill had gone off to the bathroom when suddenly someone was asking, “Are you wearing SCENT?” I didn't even realize at first that she was speaking to me. As it slowly dawned on me that she was looking at me. I shook my head no. “What about HIM?” she asked, sort of moving her chin in the general direction of the bathroom. I shook my head again. Then I realized I'd showered that morning and said I had used shampoo and soap. The woman with the mask said, “I am getting a migraine already.” This was repeated three times. Another woman was busily opening windows in an effort to solve the problem. I was unsure what to do. I mean, if we had known this would be an issue we could've stayed away or something, but there was no problem last week and the only reason I thought there could be an issue before we showed up was because I guessed based on her letter. Anyway, the first woman who spoke proceeded to lecture me about how they all use natural products. Natural scents are usually OK, but regular products have chemical scents and those decidedly are NOT OK. Now, I felt terrible because this poor masked woman was now going to experience a migraine and maybe even have a ruined day. I felt bad for being the cause of this, however inadvertent. But I didn't know whether to leave or what I should do. We stayed. After the discussion was meeting for worship and she and her daughter left. Again, if this was because I showered this morning, I am sorry about the way it turned out. But mainly I was struck by the other woman who took this really obnoxious tone as she lectured me about what kind of personal hygiene products I should be using. I realized, being on the receiving end, that there is a nice way and a not-so-nice way to state your views and this was a reminder to be careful in doing that. It also occurred to me that it's very easy to make assumptions about people and how they live. The incredulous manner in which she seemed to ask whether I was wearing SCENT indicated to me that the very idea was outrageous. It is also true that she was making some assumptions about class in her remarks. There was never any question in her tone or in what she said that we should all be using NATURAL products. This is probably a great idea. But not everyone can pay for these things. Buying specialty products is expensive—whether it is cleaning stuff for the home or personal grooming items. I am all for natural, but the fact of the matter is, like many other people, I make decisions about how I will spend my money and I am more likely to use less of something such as laundry detergent or shampoo than to buy items that are several times more expensive. I could spend $5 or more on a bar of soap or I could use the little ones that someone didn't use at a motel and spend that $5 on food or something. Is it better for the environment to use more natural products? In many cases it probably is, but sometimes it's all just a gimmick. Many people could not even think about spending the extra money on a bottle of natural shampoo, for example, when they can buy Suave for 79 cents and use the rest of the money on something else they need. And even if you buy some natural product, it still comes wrapped in plastic in one form or another. Of course, it is also possible that this is just the way this person communicates and I am reading too much into the whole thing. Even if that is the case, there's a lesson here. The truth is, I found her manner off-putting and I am far less likely to want to talk to her anytime soon. I thought she was kind of rude and certainly not at all (F)friendly. Not that she gives a crap about what I think! Still, it provided some food for thought and I am always happy when that happens! Not sure what we will do moving forward. I have a bunch of little motel soaps—a few that we've collected over the past couple of months, and a bunch that a friend gave us. I have other stuff that I bought on sale and still have. I am sure that there is other stuff that is not quite so full of chemicals, but I am not going to throw away what I have to buy some other stuff when I don't even know what is acceptable. I am thinking that since there was no issue last week, perhaps if we are in the larger meeting room and I sit farther away, it might be OK. There is no book discussion next week, so I won't have to risk sitting in the smaller room and ruining this woman's day. I don't have a problem with trying to accommodate her, but in order to do that I need to be able to know what is going on. I mean, I have some empathy for her. I am fairly sensitive to various things as well, so I know to some degree what that's like, even though it is not nearly as bad for me as for her. I wanted to talk to her—she had been knitting something and I wanted to ask her about that and other things, but I figured it wouldn't be good to get close to her. So I am left wondering whether my very presence next week will be a problem for her. And the next time I feel like saying something to someone I can remember this morning and be mindful of how I say it.
Bill just finished watching the first game of a doubleheader. Last night's game was called in the 6th inning due to rain. But it was a complete game and the Sox won, so he's happy. They won the game that just finished, too. Looks like they will probably get the wild card spot in the American League. He has good memories of listening the the Red Sox as a kid. I listened to the White Sox, being in Illinois. We went to games sometimes at the old Comiskey Park when I was a kid and when we were first married, Bill and I used to go to Fenway Park and sit in the bleachers. It was fun. I used to really be into that stuff. Gradually I just stopped paying attention. The second game is at 5.
We went to Burlington Friends Meeting again this morning. There was a great first discussion about Quakers and racism. A book discussion is starting in a couple of weeks about the book, Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship by Donna McDaniel and Vanessa Julye. I think it will be a very interesting set of discussions, if this morning is any indication. People had very insightful and thoughtful things to say. I am looking forward to it.
I did experience some discomfort as we started to gather, though. There is a woman and her daughter that attend the meeting. They are fairly new in town as well and this woman had written a letter for inclusion in the newsletter, which I picked up last week, that asked for any possible leads in finding a place to live and she laid out what her needs were. Based on that, I assumed that she had chemical sensitivity. But she was also sitting in meeting last week and seemed to be fine. There was no mention of this problem. I am sure that regular attenders are aware of the issue, but most of the people last week were visiting so would not have known. Presumably, they had used soap, shampoo, and other personal grooming items. I say this because this morning, the woman and her daughter were sitting there wearing masks. Bill had gone off to the bathroom when suddenly someone was asking, “Are you wearing SCENT?” I didn't even realize at first that she was speaking to me. As it slowly dawned on me that she was looking at me. I shook my head no. “What about HIM?” she asked, sort of moving her chin in the general direction of the bathroom. I shook my head again. Then I realized I'd showered that morning and said I had used shampoo and soap. The woman with the mask said, “I am getting a migraine already.” This was repeated three times. Another woman was busily opening windows in an effort to solve the problem. I was unsure what to do. I mean, if we had known this would be an issue we could've stayed away or something, but there was no problem last week and the only reason I thought there could be an issue before we showed up was because I guessed based on her letter. Anyway, the first woman who spoke proceeded to lecture me about how they all use natural products. Natural scents are usually OK, but regular products have chemical scents and those decidedly are NOT OK. Now, I felt terrible because this poor masked woman was now going to experience a migraine and maybe even have a ruined day. I felt bad for being the cause of this, however inadvertent. But I didn't know whether to leave or what I should do. We stayed. After the discussion was meeting for worship and she and her daughter left. Again, if this was because I showered this morning, I am sorry about the way it turned out. But mainly I was struck by the other woman who took this really obnoxious tone as she lectured me about what kind of personal hygiene products I should be using. I realized, being on the receiving end, that there is a nice way and a not-so-nice way to state your views and this was a reminder to be careful in doing that. It also occurred to me that it's very easy to make assumptions about people and how they live. The incredulous manner in which she seemed to ask whether I was wearing SCENT indicated to me that the very idea was outrageous. It is also true that she was making some assumptions about class in her remarks. There was never any question in her tone or in what she said that we should all be using NATURAL products. This is probably a great idea. But not everyone can pay for these things. Buying specialty products is expensive—whether it is cleaning stuff for the home or personal grooming items. I am all for natural, but the fact of the matter is, like many other people, I make decisions about how I will spend my money and I am more likely to use less of something such as laundry detergent or shampoo than to buy items that are several times more expensive. I could spend $5 or more on a bar of soap or I could use the little ones that someone didn't use at a motel and spend that $5 on food or something. Is it better for the environment to use more natural products? In many cases it probably is, but sometimes it's all just a gimmick. Many people could not even think about spending the extra money on a bottle of natural shampoo, for example, when they can buy Suave for 79 cents and use the rest of the money on something else they need. And even if you buy some natural product, it still comes wrapped in plastic in one form or another. Of course, it is also possible that this is just the way this person communicates and I am reading too much into the whole thing. Even if that is the case, there's a lesson here. The truth is, I found her manner off-putting and I am far less likely to want to talk to her anytime soon. I thought she was kind of rude and certainly not at all (F)friendly. Not that she gives a crap about what I think! Still, it provided some food for thought and I am always happy when that happens! Not sure what we will do moving forward. I have a bunch of little motel soaps—a few that we've collected over the past couple of months, and a bunch that a friend gave us. I have other stuff that I bought on sale and still have. I am sure that there is other stuff that is not quite so full of chemicals, but I am not going to throw away what I have to buy some other stuff when I don't even know what is acceptable. I am thinking that since there was no issue last week, perhaps if we are in the larger meeting room and I sit farther away, it might be OK. There is no book discussion next week, so I won't have to risk sitting in the smaller room and ruining this woman's day. I don't have a problem with trying to accommodate her, but in order to do that I need to be able to know what is going on. I mean, I have some empathy for her. I am fairly sensitive to various things as well, so I know to some degree what that's like, even though it is not nearly as bad for me as for her. I wanted to talk to her—she had been knitting something and I wanted to ask her about that and other things, but I figured it wouldn't be good to get close to her. So I am left wondering whether my very presence next week will be a problem for her. And the next time I feel like saying something to someone I can remember this morning and be mindful of how I say it.
Headache and the Aftermath
September 12, 2009
Woke up today with a pounding headache and a clogged head. I took an OTC allergy pill, which eased a tiny bit of the pressure. Then I took an OTC migraine pill. I knew I should eat something, but was afraid it wouldn't stay down. I felt a film of sweat all over and I could not breathe well. I just couldn't take a deep breath. I ate an apple. Then I was freezing. When that happens, I know it's time to lay down, so that's what I did. I fell back to sleep. When I woke up it must've been about 11. I ate some Cheerios with a banana and had some coffee.
Then we headed out to look at Middlebury. They were having a storytelling festival. I knew it wouldn't be the kind of story work that we do, but we wanted to check it out. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, I still had some headache left and while that went away after we'd walked around a bit, I was feeling the usual aftermath. I was utterly exhausted and foggy. We found the Folklife Center and went inside. The speakers were in a tiny room that was full to overflowing; it was roasting in there; and there was some kind of smell emanating from the gift shop that was just not working for me. One of the things that happens to me when I get a migraine is an extreme sensitivity to smell. There was a photo exhibit that Bill wanted to look at, so Heather and I waited outside. It was humid and uncomfortably warm. On the way back to Shelburne, it got cooler and rained a little. It was a pleasant ride and Middlebury is a nice town.
We moved from the campground on Friday morning. We came to the Shelburne Camping area. They have these nifty little cottages. It's just one room for the 3 of us and one thing we miss about camping is that we at least get some privacy when we all retire to our tents. They do have 2 room cottages here, but they are significantly more expensive, of course, and we decided that the money could be better spent elsewhere. In any case, it has been nice to have something of a kitchen. The refrigerator is not as small as the tiny one we had last weekend in the motel room. It's not full-size either, but it's big enough. And the freezer actually works quite well. The oven works great. There's a toaster and a small coffeemaker. The stove reminds me of the one we had when we lived in North Pole. It was my only experience having a gas stove and it was one I don't care to repeat. It had two temperature settings—high or off. I could not simmer anything. I ended up using my countertop electric burner for many things, since the gas stove was so crappy.
This one is the same. But at least the flame is higher than the one we get on our camping stove, so stuff cooks faster! Anyway, it's a simple place—no sheets on the bed, no towels, washcloths or little bars of soap in the bathroom, which is why the price is reasonable, I suppose. I was shocked when we first got to town and discovered that the Super 8 charged $141 for one night on a Friday or a Saturday. That is not a luxury hotel by any means! But this place is comfortable and clean. It takes less time to do little things here than it did at the campground, so I am hoping that means I can be more productive in other areas. I have all kinds of ideas about how to fill all of the time I will save on things like making coffee, cooking, getting to the campground sink to wash dishes and walking back and forth to the bathroom. Plus, I can take advantage of the wonders of electric lights to work further into the night! It was disappointing to not be able to do as much as I wanted to today because of my headache and the aftermath, but tomorrow is another day!
Last night, before we left the campground, we saw this guy with his leaf blower blowing the leaves from his rug thing that was outside his RV. I was amazed—not only that he was doing that, but that as they were getting ready for their trip he had the thought that he should bring the leaf blower with him! I don't think I would think of that!
We left at the right time. The rain held off until this morning. It rained pretty hard there for awhile.
Bill has been trying to watch the Red Sox game, since our little cottage has a TV and cable, so he gets the New England Sports Network. He used to listen to the radio broadcasts of the games via the web, but now he is back in his home territory (well, kind of—New Englanders make clear distinctions between people based on what part of the region you're from), so he can tune in via radio or TV. Unfortunately for him, last night's game was rained out. Tonight's was delayed for 2 ½ hours. Doubleheader tomorrow. I have been reading and crocheting—working on the lace shawl I am making for my friend. I am almost at the halfway point!
When we were in Middlebury this afternoon I saw a couple of hats in a shop window. One was constructed out of rectangular pieces of fabric and one was squares on old sweaters. I liked both of them. Bill commented that they were nice and I replied that they were, indeed nice, but they would be nicer in yarn, and once I make myself one, it will be nicer! So I was thinking about that, too.
Woke up today with a pounding headache and a clogged head. I took an OTC allergy pill, which eased a tiny bit of the pressure. Then I took an OTC migraine pill. I knew I should eat something, but was afraid it wouldn't stay down. I felt a film of sweat all over and I could not breathe well. I just couldn't take a deep breath. I ate an apple. Then I was freezing. When that happens, I know it's time to lay down, so that's what I did. I fell back to sleep. When I woke up it must've been about 11. I ate some Cheerios with a banana and had some coffee.
Then we headed out to look at Middlebury. They were having a storytelling festival. I knew it wouldn't be the kind of story work that we do, but we wanted to check it out. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, I still had some headache left and while that went away after we'd walked around a bit, I was feeling the usual aftermath. I was utterly exhausted and foggy. We found the Folklife Center and went inside. The speakers were in a tiny room that was full to overflowing; it was roasting in there; and there was some kind of smell emanating from the gift shop that was just not working for me. One of the things that happens to me when I get a migraine is an extreme sensitivity to smell. There was a photo exhibit that Bill wanted to look at, so Heather and I waited outside. It was humid and uncomfortably warm. On the way back to Shelburne, it got cooler and rained a little. It was a pleasant ride and Middlebury is a nice town.
We moved from the campground on Friday morning. We came to the Shelburne Camping area. They have these nifty little cottages. It's just one room for the 3 of us and one thing we miss about camping is that we at least get some privacy when we all retire to our tents. They do have 2 room cottages here, but they are significantly more expensive, of course, and we decided that the money could be better spent elsewhere. In any case, it has been nice to have something of a kitchen. The refrigerator is not as small as the tiny one we had last weekend in the motel room. It's not full-size either, but it's big enough. And the freezer actually works quite well. The oven works great. There's a toaster and a small coffeemaker. The stove reminds me of the one we had when we lived in North Pole. It was my only experience having a gas stove and it was one I don't care to repeat. It had two temperature settings—high or off. I could not simmer anything. I ended up using my countertop electric burner for many things, since the gas stove was so crappy.
This one is the same. But at least the flame is higher than the one we get on our camping stove, so stuff cooks faster! Anyway, it's a simple place—no sheets on the bed, no towels, washcloths or little bars of soap in the bathroom, which is why the price is reasonable, I suppose. I was shocked when we first got to town and discovered that the Super 8 charged $141 for one night on a Friday or a Saturday. That is not a luxury hotel by any means! But this place is comfortable and clean. It takes less time to do little things here than it did at the campground, so I am hoping that means I can be more productive in other areas. I have all kinds of ideas about how to fill all of the time I will save on things like making coffee, cooking, getting to the campground sink to wash dishes and walking back and forth to the bathroom. Plus, I can take advantage of the wonders of electric lights to work further into the night! It was disappointing to not be able to do as much as I wanted to today because of my headache and the aftermath, but tomorrow is another day!
Last night, before we left the campground, we saw this guy with his leaf blower blowing the leaves from his rug thing that was outside his RV. I was amazed—not only that he was doing that, but that as they were getting ready for their trip he had the thought that he should bring the leaf blower with him! I don't think I would think of that!
We left at the right time. The rain held off until this morning. It rained pretty hard there for awhile.
Bill has been trying to watch the Red Sox game, since our little cottage has a TV and cable, so he gets the New England Sports Network. He used to listen to the radio broadcasts of the games via the web, but now he is back in his home territory (well, kind of—New Englanders make clear distinctions between people based on what part of the region you're from), so he can tune in via radio or TV. Unfortunately for him, last night's game was rained out. Tonight's was delayed for 2 ½ hours. Doubleheader tomorrow. I have been reading and crocheting—working on the lace shawl I am making for my friend. I am almost at the halfway point!
When we were in Middlebury this afternoon I saw a couple of hats in a shop window. One was constructed out of rectangular pieces of fabric and one was squares on old sweaters. I liked both of them. Bill commented that they were nice and I replied that they were, indeed nice, but they would be nicer in yarn, and once I make myself one, it will be nicer! So I was thinking about that, too.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Another Day
September 10, 2009
We're back at the library--plugged in and online. One more night at the campground and then we will be elsewhere while we see whether it rains. It was cold last night! And being by the lake, damp, too. I think we are going to try to find a place where we can get some kind of weekly rate. It is getting increasingly tiresome to be moving every couple of days. We end up packing the truck, then going somewhere and unpacking, setting up the campsite or taking it apart. It eats up a good part of the energy I have for the day and we need to be doing other stuff. And besides, we are not sure how long the weather will hold out. As Bill pointed out this morning, if our stuff gets wet, it will take a long time to dry because the sunny and hot days that would take care of it are probably behind us. And I don't need a bunch of stuff ruined by mildew. But we will see what will happen. Everything will work itself out.
We ended up not going to look at that apartment after all yesterday afternoon because the person left us a message saying it was only for 1 person. Guess that wasn't the place for us. We've found one that sounds better in many ways and have contacted the person to try and look at it. We await her reply.
Heard from a guy at the Parks and Recreation Department. I had contacted him about possibly doing a class there. He sent me the proposal paperwork. It was good to get a reply!
Yesterday afternoon we drove up to St Albans to check it out. There is an available apartment there. We wanted to see how feasible it would be to live there. It's a nice little town—we stopped and had our picnic lunch in the park—but we both felt that it wasn't going to work for us. It's 30 miles from Burlington and we do not want to have to make that trip on a regular basis. So we would have to plan to spend most of our time in St Albans itself and there just didn't seem to be enough there for that to work out well. Today we will check out some other places around here so that we get some idea of where to look for an apartment and where not to look.
After we were done with all we had to do yesterday, we went back to the campsite and I made some coffee. Then we went to the beach. It was a beautiful day—not at all hot. I brought some crocheting and sat there working on a big lace shawl. It was wonderful!
Today it's supposed to be in the high 60s-low 70s. Should be another great day!
We're back at the library--plugged in and online. One more night at the campground and then we will be elsewhere while we see whether it rains. It was cold last night! And being by the lake, damp, too. I think we are going to try to find a place where we can get some kind of weekly rate. It is getting increasingly tiresome to be moving every couple of days. We end up packing the truck, then going somewhere and unpacking, setting up the campsite or taking it apart. It eats up a good part of the energy I have for the day and we need to be doing other stuff. And besides, we are not sure how long the weather will hold out. As Bill pointed out this morning, if our stuff gets wet, it will take a long time to dry because the sunny and hot days that would take care of it are probably behind us. And I don't need a bunch of stuff ruined by mildew. But we will see what will happen. Everything will work itself out.
We ended up not going to look at that apartment after all yesterday afternoon because the person left us a message saying it was only for 1 person. Guess that wasn't the place for us. We've found one that sounds better in many ways and have contacted the person to try and look at it. We await her reply.
Heard from a guy at the Parks and Recreation Department. I had contacted him about possibly doing a class there. He sent me the proposal paperwork. It was good to get a reply!
Yesterday afternoon we drove up to St Albans to check it out. There is an available apartment there. We wanted to see how feasible it would be to live there. It's a nice little town—we stopped and had our picnic lunch in the park—but we both felt that it wasn't going to work for us. It's 30 miles from Burlington and we do not want to have to make that trip on a regular basis. So we would have to plan to spend most of our time in St Albans itself and there just didn't seem to be enough there for that to work out well. Today we will check out some other places around here so that we get some idea of where to look for an apartment and where not to look.
After we were done with all we had to do yesterday, we went back to the campsite and I made some coffee. Then we went to the beach. It was a beautiful day—not at all hot. I brought some crocheting and sat there working on a big lace shawl. It was wonderful!
Today it's supposed to be in the high 60s-low 70s. Should be another great day!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Fog, Calm, Exile
September 9, 2009
I think there's something happening downtown today in honor of 09-09-09. I forget what it is. This is not surprising! I am walking around in a fog! This is not a bad thing, really, because it keeps me calm. Without my weariness, I would probably be completely stressed out at having to run around trying to find a place to live and settling in. But I'm too tired for that, so instead of being stressed, I am able to be very calm and composed. I know that things will unfold in their own good time. This morning I stuck my head into the back of the truck to get something—the peanut butter, I think—and I had to just stop and stand there for a minute as I tried to remember what I was doing. Eventually I found the peanut butter—how far could it have gone, after all—I just put it back there yesterday afternoon! After our experience in St. Ignace where the squirrel came and took our jar of peanut butter into the woods, I am very careful about leaving stuff out. So the back of the truck is now my moveable pantry.
We are back at the campground until Friday morning when there is rain expected. It's far less crowded now than it was when we left. It's a nice place. The bathrooms are clean and the beach and a bike path are right there. Lake Champlain is quite beautiful. Last night as the sun was setting over the lake, there were some clouds in the sky and there was a big orange sun lighting them from behind. Unfortunately, we were driving down Main St at the time and Bill was unable to get a photo. Maybe tonight. This morning, everything is very blue—the lake, the mountains across the lake, the sky. The lake looks a little choppy. And there is a slight hint of foliage on some of the trees at the campground. The squirrels are busy gathering food. You never know when acorns are going to rain down on your head, tent, or truck. Last week we watched two squirrels chasing each other in an effort to determine who would get a particular tree. They were running around and around the trunk of the tree in a spiral. It's been interesting to observe how different creatures behave. Back in Hardin, MT Bill dropped a walnut. Before long, the ants had organized themselves and were being very methodical as they swarmed the nut, taking away tiny pieces that were barely visible. They would march back in a procession to place these little pieces in their proper spots and then come back for another piece. We sat there for quite awhile watching them. Then Bill decided to freak them out by moving a small stone that they were walking over. It messed up their system and they had to regroup. But they did. By the next day, the nut was gone. Anyway, it's nice being outside after the motel room. The air is fresh and the scenery is beautiful.
Yesterday I got chatty emails from 3 friends in Klamath Falls. It made my day! I do not miss living there, but I do miss many people and it was nice to hear how things are going for them. And the fact that they all had good things to report was even better!
Today we have an appointment at 4 to go look at an apartment in Winooski, which is a couple of miles up the road. We realized right away that we might not be able to rent right in the city of Burlington, because of the two colleges. Rents are high and many apartments are not in good shape. And since there are two colleges right on Main St (!) scarcity is an issue. So we are prepared to look elsewhere. We're going to take a ride up to St Albans to see what that is like as well.
The other day I was finishing a book by Sam Keen called To a Dancing God. It's an old one, first written in 1970. In one part of the book he was talking about the idea of being in exile. This is something that I have thought about in terms of my own situation ever since I read Gerda Lerner's autobiography several years ago. Anyway, Keen was saying that people in exile either look back to the past and create a nostalgic glow around it, or they look forward to someday and figure their real life will start there. I do not look nostalgically back to my past—that has never been my problem. But I do end up doing the “someday” thing. I am not sure that I stop living in order to save it up for someday, but I do tend to be doing one thing and thinking about how it will impact the somedays in the future. I do spend a great deal of time planning. It fits in with my difficulties living in the moment and I think also has something to do with wanting to control outcomes. I had so little control as a kid that I always was trying to prepare myself for the (bad) things that were to come. When I got older, I tried to control things so that no bad things would happen. Not a successful enterprise. I would spend endless amounts of time figuring out what might happen and preparing for each and every thing I could think of. Problem was, if I thought of 27 things that might happen, it was usually something #29 that actually showed up, and naturally, I hadn't planned for that. So there I was. At least I know what I am doing now. I can see myself falling into that and stop myself when necessary. Or at least I try to stop myself by reminding myself that I have little or no control over most things. What I can control is my own response, so maybe the best thing would be for me to keep my mental self in good order so that I can deal with whatever comes up. This isn't easy for me. But I'm getting better at it and the truth is, it makes for a much better life. So I'll keep on plugging away at it!
I think there's something happening downtown today in honor of 09-09-09. I forget what it is. This is not surprising! I am walking around in a fog! This is not a bad thing, really, because it keeps me calm. Without my weariness, I would probably be completely stressed out at having to run around trying to find a place to live and settling in. But I'm too tired for that, so instead of being stressed, I am able to be very calm and composed. I know that things will unfold in their own good time. This morning I stuck my head into the back of the truck to get something—the peanut butter, I think—and I had to just stop and stand there for a minute as I tried to remember what I was doing. Eventually I found the peanut butter—how far could it have gone, after all—I just put it back there yesterday afternoon! After our experience in St. Ignace where the squirrel came and took our jar of peanut butter into the woods, I am very careful about leaving stuff out. So the back of the truck is now my moveable pantry.
We are back at the campground until Friday morning when there is rain expected. It's far less crowded now than it was when we left. It's a nice place. The bathrooms are clean and the beach and a bike path are right there. Lake Champlain is quite beautiful. Last night as the sun was setting over the lake, there were some clouds in the sky and there was a big orange sun lighting them from behind. Unfortunately, we were driving down Main St at the time and Bill was unable to get a photo. Maybe tonight. This morning, everything is very blue—the lake, the mountains across the lake, the sky. The lake looks a little choppy. And there is a slight hint of foliage on some of the trees at the campground. The squirrels are busy gathering food. You never know when acorns are going to rain down on your head, tent, or truck. Last week we watched two squirrels chasing each other in an effort to determine who would get a particular tree. They were running around and around the trunk of the tree in a spiral. It's been interesting to observe how different creatures behave. Back in Hardin, MT Bill dropped a walnut. Before long, the ants had organized themselves and were being very methodical as they swarmed the nut, taking away tiny pieces that were barely visible. They would march back in a procession to place these little pieces in their proper spots and then come back for another piece. We sat there for quite awhile watching them. Then Bill decided to freak them out by moving a small stone that they were walking over. It messed up their system and they had to regroup. But they did. By the next day, the nut was gone. Anyway, it's nice being outside after the motel room. The air is fresh and the scenery is beautiful.
Yesterday I got chatty emails from 3 friends in Klamath Falls. It made my day! I do not miss living there, but I do miss many people and it was nice to hear how things are going for them. And the fact that they all had good things to report was even better!
Today we have an appointment at 4 to go look at an apartment in Winooski, which is a couple of miles up the road. We realized right away that we might not be able to rent right in the city of Burlington, because of the two colleges. Rents are high and many apartments are not in good shape. And since there are two colleges right on Main St (!) scarcity is an issue. So we are prepared to look elsewhere. We're going to take a ride up to St Albans to see what that is like as well.
The other day I was finishing a book by Sam Keen called To a Dancing God. It's an old one, first written in 1970. In one part of the book he was talking about the idea of being in exile. This is something that I have thought about in terms of my own situation ever since I read Gerda Lerner's autobiography several years ago. Anyway, Keen was saying that people in exile either look back to the past and create a nostalgic glow around it, or they look forward to someday and figure their real life will start there. I do not look nostalgically back to my past—that has never been my problem. But I do end up doing the “someday” thing. I am not sure that I stop living in order to save it up for someday, but I do tend to be doing one thing and thinking about how it will impact the somedays in the future. I do spend a great deal of time planning. It fits in with my difficulties living in the moment and I think also has something to do with wanting to control outcomes. I had so little control as a kid that I always was trying to prepare myself for the (bad) things that were to come. When I got older, I tried to control things so that no bad things would happen. Not a successful enterprise. I would spend endless amounts of time figuring out what might happen and preparing for each and every thing I could think of. Problem was, if I thought of 27 things that might happen, it was usually something #29 that actually showed up, and naturally, I hadn't planned for that. So there I was. At least I know what I am doing now. I can see myself falling into that and stop myself when necessary. Or at least I try to stop myself by reminding myself that I have little or no control over most things. What I can control is my own response, so maybe the best thing would be for me to keep my mental self in good order so that I can deal with whatever comes up. This isn't easy for me. But I'm getting better at it and the truth is, it makes for a much better life. So I'll keep on plugging away at it!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
One Moment at a Time
September 7, 2009
Feeling better today. There is much potential here in Burlington. I am trying not to get too excited, because I want to avoid a repeat of what happened when I moved to Klamath Falls. I figure this is a chance to do it better this time. There are some things I can do in order to try and move in a positive direction and tomorrow when I can get back online at the library, I will do them. And then I will take it one moment at a time. I'm not really good at that. But I'm getting better. When I was at my lowest point—2 years ago now—and I had to find some way of dealing with things, Buddhist concepts that I found in books and in podcasts really helped me. And they continue to do so today. With technology being what it is, there are a number of teachings available. I am grateful for this. I try to listen to a dharma talk most nights before I go to sleep. I find that many of the practices are very helpful in many ways as I go through my day-to-day life. It's just very empowering to realize that I have the ability to handle whatever happens in a healthy and productive way. I have known many people who do not handle their pain, but rather try to bury it. This never works of course, but people still try. The other night I was laying in the tent listening to a talk and the woman was talking about trusting yourself. One of the things she said was that we do not do a very good job of self-examination in this culture. Amen to that, sister! And yet, this is a crucial activity. We have to know who we are before we can engage in any meaningful way with others and the culture around us. I have a tendency to go too far in the opposite direction. I am always analyzing everything and I have spent much time in self-examination. This has not always been a good thing. So, like with everything else, balance is needed. There's a reason Buddhists talk about the Middle Path :-) Anyway, one thing I have learned about myself through all of this self-examination is that I am stronger than I thought I was. And I know what kind of life I want to live. Maybe I will be able to do it and maybe I won't. Some things are just out of my control. But what I do know is that I can deal with things as they come. And I have plenty of ideas in my head to keep myself occupied.
We did some laundry today. There was a sign up at the laundromat that said, “WiFi Available,” so I got out my computer and tried to connect. The only available network was labeled, “Doesn't Work and Easily Hacked.” Not a great sign. I skipped it and read instead while I waited for the laundry.
Other than that we didn't do too much. It was kind of nice, although this motel is not the most wonderful place I have ever been in. The other day our “neighbor” was screaming obscenities. I was waiting to hear gunshots or screams—I thought he was yelling at someone in person and was concerned about possible abuse. Then we heard him threaten to hang up and we knew he was on the phone. We leave in the morning. Assuming that there will be space at the campground once the holiday weekend has ended, we will go back there tomorrow. Then we will head to the library to post some things on Craigslist and send a few emails—I picked up a community education booklet the other day and want to contact them about the possibility of teaching a class or two through their program.. We will probably go to the South Burlington library instead of the one downtown because it's easier to park and you don't have to feed the meter. They have a very comfortable computer room with plugs. There's a whole lot of interesting stuff going on there, too. It's pretty amazing. It's a really small place in the high school building. You wouldn't expect it to have so much happening, but there are several book discussion groups, upcoming lectures on really interesting topics, and even a knitting group on Wednesday nights! I am looking forward to being able to attend some of these events.
Part of me is still tired. Yesterday I caught a look at myself in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth and had to take off my glasses to see whether the bags under my eyes really are multiplying or whether it was just the light. They were multiplying. But there's another part of me that doesn't really care about the weariness or the bags under my eyes and is just really interested in observing how this all turns out. This is certainly not a boring ride, this life. So even though I sometimes have a bad day, mostly I am grateful to be able to live it. As Bill would say, “It is what it is.” Might as well focus on the good parts and enjoy them!
Feeling better today. There is much potential here in Burlington. I am trying not to get too excited, because I want to avoid a repeat of what happened when I moved to Klamath Falls. I figure this is a chance to do it better this time. There are some things I can do in order to try and move in a positive direction and tomorrow when I can get back online at the library, I will do them. And then I will take it one moment at a time. I'm not really good at that. But I'm getting better. When I was at my lowest point—2 years ago now—and I had to find some way of dealing with things, Buddhist concepts that I found in books and in podcasts really helped me. And they continue to do so today. With technology being what it is, there are a number of teachings available. I am grateful for this. I try to listen to a dharma talk most nights before I go to sleep. I find that many of the practices are very helpful in many ways as I go through my day-to-day life. It's just very empowering to realize that I have the ability to handle whatever happens in a healthy and productive way. I have known many people who do not handle their pain, but rather try to bury it. This never works of course, but people still try. The other night I was laying in the tent listening to a talk and the woman was talking about trusting yourself. One of the things she said was that we do not do a very good job of self-examination in this culture. Amen to that, sister! And yet, this is a crucial activity. We have to know who we are before we can engage in any meaningful way with others and the culture around us. I have a tendency to go too far in the opposite direction. I am always analyzing everything and I have spent much time in self-examination. This has not always been a good thing. So, like with everything else, balance is needed. There's a reason Buddhists talk about the Middle Path :-) Anyway, one thing I have learned about myself through all of this self-examination is that I am stronger than I thought I was. And I know what kind of life I want to live. Maybe I will be able to do it and maybe I won't. Some things are just out of my control. But what I do know is that I can deal with things as they come. And I have plenty of ideas in my head to keep myself occupied.
We did some laundry today. There was a sign up at the laundromat that said, “WiFi Available,” so I got out my computer and tried to connect. The only available network was labeled, “Doesn't Work and Easily Hacked.” Not a great sign. I skipped it and read instead while I waited for the laundry.
Other than that we didn't do too much. It was kind of nice, although this motel is not the most wonderful place I have ever been in. The other day our “neighbor” was screaming obscenities. I was waiting to hear gunshots or screams—I thought he was yelling at someone in person and was concerned about possible abuse. Then we heard him threaten to hang up and we knew he was on the phone. We leave in the morning. Assuming that there will be space at the campground once the holiday weekend has ended, we will go back there tomorrow. Then we will head to the library to post some things on Craigslist and send a few emails—I picked up a community education booklet the other day and want to contact them about the possibility of teaching a class or two through their program.. We will probably go to the South Burlington library instead of the one downtown because it's easier to park and you don't have to feed the meter. They have a very comfortable computer room with plugs. There's a whole lot of interesting stuff going on there, too. It's pretty amazing. It's a really small place in the high school building. You wouldn't expect it to have so much happening, but there are several book discussion groups, upcoming lectures on really interesting topics, and even a knitting group on Wednesday nights! I am looking forward to being able to attend some of these events.
Part of me is still tired. Yesterday I caught a look at myself in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth and had to take off my glasses to see whether the bags under my eyes really are multiplying or whether it was just the light. They were multiplying. But there's another part of me that doesn't really care about the weariness or the bags under my eyes and is just really interested in observing how this all turns out. This is certainly not a boring ride, this life. So even though I sometimes have a bad day, mostly I am grateful to be able to live it. As Bill would say, “It is what it is.” Might as well focus on the good parts and enjoy them!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Timing
September 5, 2009
So we packed up this morning, stopped at the Farmer's Market, walked around the pedestrian mall area on Church St., and went to the motel room. I wondered why the door was open again as it had been when we went to reserve the room. I began to think maybe it would not close. But when we got in and closed the door, we knew why. There is a smell of urine, probably coming from the carpet. Not too pleasant, but not overpowering. In any case, by the time we got there, there was a “No Vacancy” sign on the office door. It's not like we had too many places to choose from. I was a little bit depressed, though, to be honest. I wandered around and looked at all of the great local food at the market and felt crummy because I couldn't cook any. And then there was the fact of the motel room. I had a few bad minutes where I just thought that after coming all this way and traveling for so long, only to end up in that place was just too much. But I got over it. I am never good at waiting for things. Now that I'm here, I want to settle in, start cooking and baking in my own kitchen, get a library card, get involved in a bunch of stuff, and just generally get to know this community that I will live in for awhile. But this is a different kind of move for us and will require some different ways of doing things. So we're in a liminal state right now. We're kind of stopped and sort of not. We're in between. And that will just have to be OK. And I will just have to get used to it, whether I really want to or not! Anyway, I know that what will happen eventually is that I will have gotten to know this area. I may like it, I may not. But I will get restless either way. And I will then have to start getting ready to go elsewhere. It's sometimes tiresome to be this way. Periodically I wonder what it would be like to find a place, put down deep roots and stay there for a long time—like decades. And then I start to imagine it and I feel trapped and confined. I always get bored after awhile. That's just the way I'm made. So it's a better idea to accept this about myself than to try to do something else. But now is not the time to worry about all of that. I just got here. And while it is true that we hope our stay here will not be overly long, because we really want to go to Ireland, we have learned that things happen in their own good time and there's not much I can do about it. So I will try to relax and enjoy the ride!! We're all still tired, so since there's not a whole lot of practical stuff we can do over the holiday weekend, we might as well try to get some rest.
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