Bill just finished watching the first game of a doubleheader. Last night's game was called in the 6th inning due to rain. But it was a complete game and the Sox won, so he's happy. They won the game that just finished, too. Looks like they will probably get the wild card spot in the American League. He has good memories of listening the the Red Sox as a kid. I listened to the White Sox, being in Illinois. We went to games sometimes at the old Comiskey Park when I was a kid and when we were first married, Bill and I used to go to Fenway Park and sit in the bleachers. It was fun. I used to really be into that stuff. Gradually I just stopped paying attention. The second game is at 5.
We went to Burlington Friends Meeting again this morning. There was a great first discussion about Quakers and racism. A book discussion is starting in a couple of weeks about the book, Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship by Donna McDaniel and Vanessa Julye. I think it will be a very interesting set of discussions, if this morning is any indication. People had very insightful and thoughtful things to say. I am looking forward to it.
I did experience some discomfort as we started to gather, though. There is a woman and her daughter that attend the meeting. They are fairly new in town as well and this woman had written a letter for inclusion in the newsletter, which I picked up last week, that asked for any possible leads in finding a place to live and she laid out what her needs were. Based on that, I assumed that she had chemical sensitivity. But she was also sitting in meeting last week and seemed to be fine. There was no mention of this problem. I am sure that regular attenders are aware of the issue, but most of the people last week were visiting so would not have known. Presumably, they had used soap, shampoo, and other personal grooming items. I say this because this morning, the woman and her daughter were sitting there wearing masks. Bill had gone off to the bathroom when suddenly someone was asking, “Are you wearing SCENT?” I didn't even realize at first that she was speaking to me. As it slowly dawned on me that she was looking at me. I shook my head no. “What about HIM?” she asked, sort of moving her chin in the general direction of the bathroom. I shook my head again. Then I realized I'd showered that morning and said I had used shampoo and soap. The woman with the mask said, “I am getting a migraine already.” This was repeated three times. Another woman was busily opening windows in an effort to solve the problem. I was unsure what to do. I mean, if we had known this would be an issue we could've stayed away or something, but there was no problem last week and the only reason I thought there could be an issue before we showed up was because I guessed based on her letter. Anyway, the first woman who spoke proceeded to lecture me about how they all use natural products. Natural scents are usually OK, but regular products have chemical scents and those decidedly are NOT OK. Now, I felt terrible because this poor masked woman was now going to experience a migraine and maybe even have a ruined day. I felt bad for being the cause of this, however inadvertent. But I didn't know whether to leave or what I should do. We stayed. After the discussion was meeting for worship and she and her daughter left. Again, if this was because I showered this morning, I am sorry about the way it turned out. But mainly I was struck by the other woman who took this really obnoxious tone as she lectured me about what kind of personal hygiene products I should be using. I realized, being on the receiving end, that there is a nice way and a not-so-nice way to state your views and this was a reminder to be careful in doing that. It also occurred to me that it's very easy to make assumptions about people and how they live. The incredulous manner in which she seemed to ask whether I was wearing SCENT indicated to me that the very idea was outrageous. It is also true that she was making some assumptions about class in her remarks. There was never any question in her tone or in what she said that we should all be using NATURAL products. This is probably a great idea. But not everyone can pay for these things. Buying specialty products is expensive—whether it is cleaning stuff for the home or personal grooming items. I am all for natural, but the fact of the matter is, like many other people, I make decisions about how I will spend my money and I am more likely to use less of something such as laundry detergent or shampoo than to buy items that are several times more expensive. I could spend $5 or more on a bar of soap or I could use the little ones that someone didn't use at a motel and spend that $5 on food or something. Is it better for the environment to use more natural products? In many cases it probably is, but sometimes it's all just a gimmick. Many people could not even think about spending the extra money on a bottle of natural shampoo, for example, when they can buy Suave for 79 cents and use the rest of the money on something else they need. And even if you buy some natural product, it still comes wrapped in plastic in one form or another. Of course, it is also possible that this is just the way this person communicates and I am reading too much into the whole thing. Even if that is the case, there's a lesson here. The truth is, I found her manner off-putting and I am far less likely to want to talk to her anytime soon. I thought she was kind of rude and certainly not at all (F)friendly. Not that she gives a crap about what I think! Still, it provided some food for thought and I am always happy when that happens! Not sure what we will do moving forward. I have a bunch of little motel soaps—a few that we've collected over the past couple of months, and a bunch that a friend gave us. I have other stuff that I bought on sale and still have. I am sure that there is other stuff that is not quite so full of chemicals, but I am not going to throw away what I have to buy some other stuff when I don't even know what is acceptable. I am thinking that since there was no issue last week, perhaps if we are in the larger meeting room and I sit farther away, it might be OK. There is no book discussion next week, so I won't have to risk sitting in the smaller room and ruining this woman's day. I don't have a problem with trying to accommodate her, but in order to do that I need to be able to know what is going on. I mean, I have some empathy for her. I am fairly sensitive to various things as well, so I know to some degree what that's like, even though it is not nearly as bad for me as for her. I wanted to talk to her—she had been knitting something and I wanted to ask her about that and other things, but I figured it wouldn't be good to get close to her. So I am left wondering whether my very presence next week will be a problem for her. And the next time I feel like saying something to someone I can remember this morning and be mindful of how I say it.
